So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
