Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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