happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize