I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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