Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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