Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
