DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I forget how to act sober
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
