I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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