good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
