maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
