why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
