I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
