He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
