mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
