Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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