is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
