***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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