I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
