This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
