I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
