I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
