New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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