I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
