maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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