I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
