Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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