Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
