I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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