Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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