I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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