I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
