I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
