this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
