I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
