I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
