Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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