The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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