Define "chronic" masturbator.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I AM VODKA MAN
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
