it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
