so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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