I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
