Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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