explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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