Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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