bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
