i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
