i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
