explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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