I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
