There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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