It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
