ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
