I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
