I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
