My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
