Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
