found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
