I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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