I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
