Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
