I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
