Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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