So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
