Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
