I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
