i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
