Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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