I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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